It’s Friday and if you’ve been reading my blog for very long, then you know that today’s the day I bring you the bits and pieces of the daily conversations in our household.  So sit back and relax and be completely assured that your family is way more normal than you realize!

He’s So Tan!!!

16 year old Amber and 7 year old Braden are sitting on the couch together, suffocating their father with attention.  Suddenly Amber says to Braden, “Wow, Braden!  You’re really tan!  Dad, look how tan Braden is!”

Several minutes pass  and a variety of topics are discussed when suddenly Amber exclaims “Dude!  Gross!  Oh my gosh!  You’re not tan!  You’re dirty!  Your skin isn’t tan, it’s dirty!  Yuck!  Get away from me!”

Leave Me Alone!

I’ve been known to say some pretty bizarre things.  I open my mouth and my brain sometimes forgets to intervene before the words fall out of my mouth.  The other night I way lying in bed reading and my husband, Troy, was doing all manner of things to irritate me.  I was seriously not in the mood.  I wanted to read my book and, to be honest, I was probably suffering from that once-monthy surge of hormones that causes many woman to turn into Linda Blair’s character in The Exorcist.  Frankly, I just wanted to be left alone.

After several times of asking Troy nicely to leave me alone and let me read, I lost my temper.

“Don’t look at me.  Don’t touch me.  Don’t talk to me.  Don’t smell me!  Leave me alone!” I growled.

Dead silence.

“Don’t smell you?” he asked.  “Is this a problem you experience frequently?”

Ugghh!  It’s hard to stay irritated when you say something so ridiculously stupid.  Especially when, for the next half hour, Troy audibly sniffed the air just to remind me of the stupidity of my comments.

No Means No!

I don’t care what anybody says, parenting is not for the weak or feeble-minded. To be a parent, you gotta be able to think on your feet and plan for the unexpected. Kids spend hours coming up with all manner of different arguments to get their way, and it takes a strong woman to be a mom and to not strangle a child who simply insists upon pushing the envelope.

Take Braden, for example. The other day he had asked me if he could go down the street to play with his friend Kellen. He’s only 7 – not to mention I’m the “original helicopter mom” – so I’ve not been real excited about letting him go that far out of my line of vision. Not surprisingly, then, my answer was “no.”

“Please, Mom?” said Braden.

“No.”

“But I said ‘please,'” he whined.

“And I still said ‘no,'” I responded.

“But I said ‘PLEASE!'” Braden cried.

“And I said ‘no.’ Do you know what ‘no’ means?” I asked.

“No.”

Regardless of how much you prepare, there just is no answer to that response.