The Neighborhood Don Juan

Braden has a girlfriend…only she doesn’t know it.  Well, that might not be completely true; I think she knows it but she’s really good at pretending she doesn’t.  Actually, I think he’s going to be a ladies man because he has a couple of little girlfriends.  But his first real crush was on (and still is) little Alivia next door.  And who could blame him?  At about 18 months older than Braden, she’s a “woman of the world” in his eyes.  Blonde hair, blue eyes, perfect little smile and well-beyond her years in taking control of the situation and letting the young men in her life know who’s in charge.

Recently Braden informed me that he’s going to marry Alivia when he grows up.  He had it all figured out.  They were going to live with us, or with Alivia’s parents, or maybe at the hotel that his grandparents  stay in when they visit during the summer.  His reason for this?  They want to save all their money and not spend it.

“Buying a house costs money and is really ‘spensive.’  We want to save all of our money,” he explained.

“Does Brian know this about you wanting to marry Alivia?” I asked him, inquiring about Alivia’s father.

“Ummm…noooooo,” he responded.

“Don’t you think you should ask him first?  I mean, you do need her daddy’s permission before you marry his daughter,  don’tcha think?”

Braden pondered this a moment and then asked, “Could you ask him?  I don’t want him to get mad at me.”

And so set the theme for neighborly relations.  Braden lives and breathes Alivia most days.  Thank goodness we have a home alarm for our house!  At about 5:00 a.m. one morning, we were awakened to the screaming pitch of our home alarm as someone had breached a door.  We stumbled down the steps half-awake to find a sheepish looking Braden staring back at us.

“Did you open the door to the garage?” Troy asked.

“Ummm…yeah.  I’m sorry!  I didn’t know the alarm was set!”  he cried.

“That’s fine, but what were you doing?  Why did you need to go outside so early in the morning?  It’s still dark!”

From behind his back, Braden revealed the love letter he had written to Alivia.  It seems he had written it sometime in the night and it was imperative to him that he deliver it as soon as possible.

“I have a letter for ‘Livia,” he said.

You have no idea how difficult it was for us to contain our grins so as not to embarrass him.  “That’s fine, ” I said, “but I think her mommy and daddy would be very unhappy to be awakened at five in the morning on a Saturday for Alivia to receive your note.  Let’s wait a few hours and you can deliver it then, okay?”

He wasn’t happy, but what could he do?  He’d been caught!  Blast that danged home alarm!  Why did Mom and Dad have to put it on all of the doors??

Not long ago, the grandparents were visiting from Oklahoma.  While here, my mother-in-law noticed that Braden really enjoyed wearing his father’s cologne and deodorant.  Since he was so careful in the use of his father’s items, my mother-in-law thought it would be fun to get Braden his own deodorant and cologne.  Riiiiggggghhht!  That’s exactly what our little Don Juan needed!

My first clue that this might be a problem came one evening after I’d put him to bed.  I was in my bedroom – down the hall from Braden’s – with my door closed.  Quite inexplicably to me at the moment, I kept catching a strong whiff of heavy mens cologne.  I opened my door to follow the smell and the entire hallway smelled like an Abercombie store!  Only, if you can imagine, worse!

“Braden?” I called.  “What are you doing?  It smells like you’ve bathed in that cologne!”

Braden came running out of his bedroom and, incredibly, the smell intensified.  By the time he was standing in front of me, I had an urgent need to take about four steps back away from him.  The smell was so intense!  How could something that smells so great with only one squirt smell so noxious with a dozen?

“I’m practicing,” Braden replied.

“Practicing what?”

“How to put my cologne on for ‘Livia.  I’m gonna put my cologne on tomorrow morning and go over to see ‘Livia.  I’m gonna get right up close to her and say ‘Smell me, ‘Livia!‘  Do you think she’ll like it?”

Do think she’ll like it??  I’m still not quite sure how to answer that question.  If this doesn’t scare off the neighbors, then I think it’s safe to assume that nothing else will.

11 responses to “The Neighborhood Don Juan”

  1. Paprika suggested we read your blog and promised we would not be sorry! she was right!! Braden is ADORABLE!!! Can’t wait to read more of your family stories!!


    1. Thank you!!!! And I *love* Paprika’s blog, too! She makes me laugh!


  2. Don’t worry… they won’t notice a thing. It’ll probably wear off during the night… if he sleeps somewhere other than his room. (since it smells rather like an abercrombie store. I could never figure out what attracts people to that place. The clothes are relatively “skanky” and being within a ten-yard proximity will result for me in a migrane.) I wish you luck!


    1. Hahahah! Abercrombie…I will never understand that store! You can smell it all the way from the main doors of our medium-sized mall! And if you go IN there, it’ll take you a week to wash out the smell from your hair and clothes! LOL


      1. Been there, done that, and I regretted it for at least a month afterwards. But, personally, I think that Hollister is worse. The mall in my town is HUGE, but that still doesn’t stop that disgusting odor from leaking into my nose every time I step in there. And, Bath and Body works??? Victoria’s Secret? They’re like a real-life night-mare!


      2. I can deal with VS and BBW…but Hollister and Abercrombie are THE WORST! Do you know that – according to our local employees – they’re trained to walk around the store once every hour to spray the clothes and air with the perfume/cologne??? GAG!


  3. This is adorable! My dudes (7 and 10) keep telling me that they don’t want to get married, instead they will live in my basement forever “because cool toys are there.”


    1. That’s awesome! Not because they don’t want to leave you, but because the “cool toys are there.” Too funny!!!


  4. Awwww…. Braden is too cute! This is so sweet. That first crush is totally intense, isn’t it? It sounds like he’s a man with a plan. Alivia is a VERY lucky girl.

    Be happy he’s thinking in terms of cologne. I actually started putting it in my son’s Christmas stocking hoping that it would mask what his woefully sorry hygiene practices missed! haha!


    1. Hahaha! I’m so lucky I don’t have a problem with Braden and bathing! He showers every night and sometimes without having to be nudged in that direction!


  5. Cathie that little Braden is priceless! He’s going to give you a book or a couple of books! That is so funny settng off the house alarm! And then cologne LOL! And your pictures and captions were perfect! Job well done — having Braden — even better job well done!!


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