It’s Friday, and I’d like to introduce a new feature here at Chatty Cathie’s Endless Chatter…Quips and Quotes Friday! Each Friday I’ll attempt to bring you the actual quips and quotes that people say to me – or that I overhear – throughout the course of a normal day. So, sit back and relax and let this be a lesson to you that your family – however crazy they may seem – is absolutely normal!
And, as always….
Is Honesty Really the Best Policy??
As every seasoned parent knows, you never ask your child a question for which you either (1) don’t know the answer, or (2) are unsure whether the answer you receive is one you want to hear. I forgot this recently when my 7-year old son was misbehaving. In a moment of pure insanity, I asked, “Do you seriously want to make me angry?”
Braden thought about that question for a moment and, after tapping his chin and thoroughly pondering the question, he held up his thumb and first finger about a half an inch apart and responded “Maybe just a teensy little bit.”
A Little Sympathy Would be Nice…
The other evening during dinner, I was commenting to my family that the top of my foot was bruised badly and – though I don’t remember injuring it – it felt and looked much like it did several years ago when I broke it. The following is the actual conversation that took place:
“Mom,” said my teenager with barely concealed impatience. “Your foot isn’t broken! Just cuz it’s bruised doesn’t mean your foot is broken, any more than your finger is broken from catching it in the mouse trap yesterday. You just get a bruise and you start complaining that something’s broken!”
“I do not!” I exclaimed. “It really hurts! I didn’t drop anything on it, and it feels much like it did when I broke it several years ago.”
“I think you’re butt is broken,” interjected my husband with his own brand of dry humor.
“My butt is not broken,” I growled back at him.
“No,” said the teenager, “but it’s cracked.”
Dude! Abe Lincoln was Hot!
If parents know anything, it’s this: If you ever need a reality check, look to your children to set you straight! The other evening while carpooling my daughter and her gymnastics teammates home from practice, the girls were in the back seat discussing boys, Valentine’s Day, who was dating whom, and who had a crush on which boy at school. Never to be left out of a conversation, my 7-year old son piped up and said, “I know who Mom had a crush on in school!”
At the time, it seemed to totally make sense to play his little game, so I responded by asking, “Oh yeah? Who’s that, Buddy?”
“The cutest boy in your class!” he said, grinning.
“Uh huh…and who might that be?” I asked, thinking he certainly meant his father.
“Abraham Lincoln!” he responded without missing a single beat!
OUCH! I think this goes back to my original two parenting rules as stated above: (1) never ask a question for which you’re not 100% sure of the answer, or (2) that your not 100% sure that the answer you receive is one that you’ll like.
Don’t Ask If You Don’t Want to Know…
Parents of teenagers know several things. Among those is (1) They’re devious. They start out saying, “I love you,” but it usually means there’s more to come, and (2) they’ll say just about anything for a reaction. My husband got a taste of that recently when our teenage daughter started snuggling up to him.
“Daddy! I love you, Daddy!” Amber screeched as she wrapped her arms around Troy in a huge bear hug.
“What are you doing?” he asked.
“Hugging you,” Amber responded, simply.
“Why?” Troy asked with no small amount of fear.
“Because I love you!” Amber responded with glee.
“Uh huh…Why?” he asked again.
“Because you’re my daddy!” she said.
“Why?” he asked once again.
“Well, sometimes when a man and woman love each other a whole bunch…”
“Whoa-Whoa-Whoa!” he cried out in fear. “Enough!”
“Well, you did ask…” she replied with a mischievous smile.
Kids are smart! They may look sweet and innocent, but behind that precious smile and angelic face is a devious master of manipulation and a potential con artist in the making. Take my 7-year old for example. Recently he had money just burnin’ a hole in his pocket. He wanted to spend it so bad that it was driving him crazy. We had gone somewhere and he had absolutely insisted on spending his money on some purchase I was making. I allowed him to to put a dollar or two toward the purchase, and then let him know that I’d reimburse him for it when we got home because I really didn’t want him spending his money carelessly. True to form, I spaced it…but he didn’t forget!
“Mom…remember…you were going to give me $3! I’m still waiting!” he said.
“No,” I responded. “I told you I’d give you a dollar or two, not three.”
Braden thinks for a moment or two and then says, “Fine. I’ll take it in a $20 bill and a $10 bill.”
“Ummm…no,” I said. “I told you a dollar or two, not a combined $30.”
“Okay, then…you can just give me a $20 bill and we’ll call it even.”
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