C.H. Armstrong Books

Welcome to Quips and Quotes Friday!  If you’re new to Chatty Cathie’s Endless Chatter, then let me explain:  Quips and Quotes Friday is a weekly segment where I take the opportunity to bring to you the actual conversations and random statements I hear in my household on a daily basis.  So sit back and enjoy, and be completely assured that your family is much more normal than you give them credit for being!

Like Father, Like Son

Earlier this week I was sitting around the living room with my family just discussing random topics as they came to us.  At one point, my 16 year begins the following conversation:

“Ya know, I look like Dad but people tell me I’m just like Mom.  And Braden looks like Mom, but deep down he’s just like Dad,” she said.

Braden pops up and says, “Ohhhh nooooo!  I don’t look anything like Mom! I look just like Dad!”

“Oh yeah, Buddy?”  I said.  “You might be surprised.  You have my coloring.  You look more like me than you think.”

“Nope!  Nope!  Nope!” he said as he shook his head!  “I look nothing like you!  I look just like my dad!”

His vehemence left me feeling slightly offended.  What’s wrong with looking like me?  I’m not exactly ugly!  I might not win any beauty pageants, but I’m reasonably attractive.  What’s so wrong about looking like me?  After a moment, I was able to set aside my bruised ego and ask, “Okay, then…how do you figure?”

With a smug smile, he looks at me and says “Well, I have a penis and Dad has a penis, but you don’t!  Whatcha think about that?”

Ummm…he got me there!

Booty Call

One of the things I love best about kids is how they can sometimes so innocently misunderstand phrases.  This quality isn’t limited to little kids; it sometimes extends to much older kids.  About a year ago, my daughter’s best friend was over at our house and we somehow got onto the discussion about cell phones.  This discussion prompted me to remember to remind Sarah (my daughter’s best friend) that she had “butt dialed” me several times that past week.  For Sarah, “butt dialing” apparently happens when she leaves her phone in her back pocket and then, as she sits down, the phone is prompted dial the number she last called.

“Sarah,” I said.  “You butt dialed me about four times yesterday.  If you keep butt dialing me, I’m going to change your ring tone to that ‘Big Butts’ song.”

“You wouldn’t!” she exclaimed.

“Try me, Darlin,” I said with a grin.

A few moments passed and the two girls started giggling. Out of the blue Sarah says, “Is that what they mean when they say ‘bootie call?’”

Before I could respond, Amber pipes up and says, “Yeah!  Sarah’s been booty calling my mom!”

Ummm…I still don’t know how to respond to that.

Do Not Enter!

If I’ve told my kids once, I’ve told them a thousand times:  “If the bathroom door is closed, it means ‘Do Not Enter.’”  For some reason, they just don’t get it.  Finally, as a last resort, I’ve taken to locking the door.  It seems to be the only way to keep them out for my 45 seconds of privacy.

The other day as I was in the bathroom, Braden tried to open the locked door.  Unable to open the door, he stood on the outside and started pounding on the door like he was the ATF ready to go in for a drug raid.  Not to be detoured, however, I simply ignored him and continued about my business.  As I left the bathroom, I was greeted by a very angry little boy.

“Mom!  Why did you lock the bathroom door?” Braden demanded.

“Because I wanted some privacy.  A locked door means ‘Do Not Enter.’”

Without missing a beat, Braden responds “Why do you need privacy?  You’re a mom!”

Ugghhh!  I’m going to strangle that boy!